Alextravia Judas Grentarii

Alextravia Judas Grentarii
Biographical information
Homeworld	Rigel VII
Date of birth	Unknown
Date of death	20 ABY
Family	Two psychotic parents, three whackjob brothers
Physical description
Species	Rigelian
Gender	Male
Height	1.80
Weight	10
Hair color	Brown
Eye color	Hazel
Distinguishing features	Beady eyes, nostrils constantly flared as if in arrogance
Chronological and political information
Era(s)	Several
Affiliation	New Republic
Ranks	Lieutenant Colonel
Titles	Prat, Moron

Alextravia Judas Grentarii is a Rigelian male from Rigel VII and is currently a member of the Zealot Special Operation Unit. He is a man who failed to achieve greatness by hair’s breadth. His entire life –and death... and second death -- have been filled with tragedies and disappointments that would mentally incapacitate even the most well-off and stable of persons.

The Character

Detailed Biography

The story of Alextavia Grentarii is long and, mostly, boring. Interested parties are mainly advised to seek out the condensed version of this story, which can be found as a footnote on page 147 of the book A History of the Katarn Commandos. Parties who proceed onwards are hereby notified that they do so at their own risk.

Early Life and Rigel VII

Grentarii’s life began on a planet well beyond the outer rim, possibly even out of the galaxy. Nobody really knows exactly where this planet was located because, when Grentarii’s race left this planet, they made no record of its coordinates. The planet was a sultry three hundred degrees and had a methane atmosphere, making it completely inhospitable to your average corporeal lifeform. However, these creatures had no physical existence. They existed as pure thought, as if someone had vaporized them but left their consciousness intact to swirl around the planet. Which, as it turned out, is exactly what happened, though the local government covered it up to stop widespread panic and generally improve the quality of life for the younger ones.

At one point approximately 25 years ago, an alien vessel of unknown origin landed on the planet and engaged in the business of establishing a listening post. Unaware of the species that already lived there, they used equipment that gave off highly concentrated bursts of radiation as waste. This radiation, which has also been found emanating from a new Imperial shield prototype, proved lethal to Grentarii’s species. Faced with such a situation, something they had never had to deal with before, the remaining entities decided to relocate, abandoning their home.

It is not known exactly how long the entities were in transit, but it is believed by some to have been in excess of five years. Space travel proved to be remarkably easy for this species, since they had no need for atmosphere or nourishment.

The flock came upon Rigel VII, the seventh moon of the planet Rigel. Which is, oddly enough, how it got its name. They settled and began life anew.

Contrary to his current nature, Grentarii was a free spirit at this point in his life. He would often separate himself from the rest of the Rigelians and search the surrounding areas for something interesting. And it was on one of these days that his first contact was made with the Rebellion. A Rebel corvette had been spying on a local Imperial installation, under the guise of a medical ship. The Imperials got wise to the operation, and sent a Star Destroyer to destroy the ship. The corvette was heavily damaged and crashed into Rigel VII, where the Imperials left it for dead. The captain was killed upon impact and placed in the morgue. Grentarii, curious, came aboard the ship through the hull and began exploring the corporeal organisms. When he came upon the unmoving form of the captain, he reached out to touch it. In that moment, his synaptic patterns were laid over the captain’s. He had possessed the body. He was frightened and sat bolt upright in the bed. Unfamiliar with how to move muscle, he made a series of groaning noises and waddled out into the hallway, frightening an orderly in the process. The woman ran away screaming about “the living dead”, and soon a team of armed guards and the Executive Officer were in the medical bay making contact.

Academy History and Corporeal Training

Surprised to find such strange beings in the universe, yet touched by their stories of devotion and bravery in the face of the Galactic Empire, the Rigelians petitioned for membership in the Rebellion. Grentarii was the first to enter the academy and graduated with honors. He became especially interested in the studies of artificial intelligence, and would later help with projects to create a protocol droid that was capable of communication using hand motions.

Grentarii found corporeal life difficult to understand. Birth, age, and death were alien concepts to him, and Rebel High command was worried about his ability to relate to other corporeal organisms. To aid in his transition, it was decided that he should experience a normal life, beginning as a child and moving up into adolescence and adulthood, before beginning active duty. A family, the Grentariis, lived in a small colony on a world that was being terraformed. They had three teenage boys but were looking to adopt another, younger child. They had filed the appropriate paperwork, but the child they had hoped to adopt, seven year old Alextravia, had died in an accident on the zero-gravity playground, when a planetary disaster caused the system to fail and the boy to break his neck. The incident was quickly covered up. Top Rebel surgeons repaired the young body, and Alex took possession of the deceased Alextravia, along with his name, and was inserted into the Grentarii household without suspicion arising. Unfortunately, the Grentariis proved to be less than normal. Mr. Grentarii had been refused admittance to the academy, and had pulled out all the stops to ensure that his boys did not suffer the same fate. He was cruel in his methods, however, and Grentarii rebelled constantly. His brothers took a dislike to the new family member and tormented the boy constantly, using their size and numbers to intimidate him. He was the butt of numerous practical jokes, which often caused him extreme injury and caused his father to have even greater disdain for him. In school, he performed remarkably badly, since most of his attention was focused on the social aspect of life. It was suggested at one point that he repeat a grade in school but his father, always pushing him along, dismissed the idea.

Later in life, he was even more disappointed when his father refused to put up tuition for his academy training, even though he sent all three of his biological children who achieved great success, one even getting a job testing experimental equipment for the High Command. It was at this point that his true identity was revealed to the Grentariis, and Alex took his place in active duty.

The Katarns

One of his first assignments was to oversee the training of other Rigelians who had joined the service and aid in their transitions. He proved to be excellent at this task, but failed at most others. The damage done him by the Grentariis was irreversible. He had become neurotic, rule obsessed, and unpleasant. Emulating them, he found contempt everywhere around him, and had little to no social life. He spent all his free time learning regulations, even obsolete ones, and living by them. He chastised all others around him, seeming to forget all his own, numerous faults. He was cocky, and told grand stories about himself and his battles, but was extremely cowardly when it came to actual fighting. Because of all these factors, as well as the fact that those at High Command hated him and wanted him as far away as possible, they sent him to whip into shape the Katarn Commandos, a once great unit that had become undisciplined and rarely saw actual combat. Grentarii was the drill sergeant to end all drill sergeants, and was universally loathed. Despite the immense dislike for him, he turned the unit around and made it into the success it once was. When the CO resigned, Alex took full command and led a series of successful strikes against Imperial targets, helping to sway the balance of power in the sector.

A year into his service with the Katarns, he met Amanda Lance, cousin to Joel Lance, and the two quickly fell in love, much to the chagrin of the other Katarns. Lance, a prominent slicer, would become an integral part of his life later on.

At one point, the Katarns joined forces with Paladin squadron to infiltrate the White Guard. While petitioning for membership, the White Guard demanded that the Katarns prove their devotion by raiding a passenger ship and separating the passengers from their valuables. They did so, reluctantly, and Alextravia was involved in an accident. He was thrown deep into the engine core and his body was vaporized, leaving his consciousness to contact the others and hitch a ride back to base. He was going to select a new body from the morgue, as was the custom for Rigelians in the Rebellion, but was instead asked to try out a new technology, a holographic body that his consciousness could ride. Alex accepted, and was instrumental in having the technology implemented in other units across the Alliance.

That same year, the Rebellion organized a highly secret plan to set a trap for the Imperials, secret enough that the Katarns were not told of their rather large part in the plan. An operative was placed inside the Katarns base, and given a device to attach to the main computer. This device identified the person trying to access data. If it did not recognize the person, it displayed fake data, including fictitious fleet locations and planetary installations. To complete the illusion, some actual locations that were deemed ‘expendable’ were included. Another Rebel then pretended to defect, and told the Imperials the location of the Katarns base to get them to take the false data, which they did. They assaulted the planet Recau III from orbit and killed all the inhabitants, civilian and military, leaving nothing standing. Alex took the tragedy personally, believing his failure to secure the base was responsible for each of the millions of deaths.

The Katarns took many initiatives to recover the lost data, and it was on one of these missions that Grentarii met his unfortunate end. Attempting to avoid a patrol and, thus, reveal the presence of the Katarns aboard the Star Destroyer they were on, he snuck into the control room aboard the ship. A highly destructive orbital weapon was being tested on the Star Destroyer, but the first run had caused a massive systems failure and flooded the room with radiation… the same radiation that had been killing the Rigelians back on that world so many years and lightyears ago. After an hour of exposure, he began to feel ill, and within three, he was dead. Amanda, hearing that both her cousin and love interest were missing, went searching for Alex and found his deactivated projection device, displaying his time of death. She used her computer skills, along with the fact that the projector scanned his brain daily to establish physical parameters for the next day, to extrapolate a program to simulate his personality, drives, and emotions. The result was a holographic simulation of the now-dead man. The program was not exactly perfect, having only about 300 days of experience to draw upon, but was consistently improved for the next year.

At the end of that period, the Imperials returned to the Katarns base and captured it. The Katarns were routed, and spent six months shoehorned into a YT-2400, wandering aimlessly, before they began a counterstrike. They split into groups and tackled a group of dangerous missions, one of which was to scout the base in an attempt to reclaim it later. It was at this point that the deception was revealed, and Alex brought the news back to the Katarns. Enraged that the Rebellion would resort to such measures, Amanda Lance flipped out to the Dark Side and left on a rampage. Alex was hit extremely hard, distraught that the only person who had ever really liked him had left him for the allure of evil. He even contemplated suicide for a short time, but gave the idea up when system resources were insufficient to delete him.

The Katarns were returned to their re-captured base and asked to participate in the armada that lay in wait for the Imperials, the final step in the trap that began with the stealing of the fake data, and were instrumental in winning the battle when it turned out that the Imperials had been knowledgeable about the plan from early on.

Not long after that, contact was made with an alien race. The first meeting with this species had been at the ruins at Ironfort, a backwater mining facility where a crashed alien ship, containing contaminated foodstuffs, was found. Five years later the aliens arrived and, operating on the misconception that humanoid life was the infection that had destroyed so many of their ships, set to work wiping out every living thing in the sector. The primary alien ship was destroyed from within by the Katarns, and the remainder of them are being exterminated at this time. However, the situation has not been resolved and it is expected that the alien threat will continue in the future.

It was during the course of this little skirmish that Sen Richardson came to be with the Katarns quite by mistake. She’d gone into hiding on Thyferra, and taken an alias. Looking for transport back to the RS, she enlisted in the Katarns and used them to get back to the Aurora Force. Alex had been looking to expand his career, and so resigned from the Commando Division in order to serve with the Aurora Force, which he did for many years.

It was after Alex’s service in the Aurora Force that the High Command decided that Sironia, Richadson’s home planet, was to be the next target for striking. An Imperial Governor there, Valin Krav, was oppressing the people, and the RS wanted it stopped. They requested that Alex and Sen return to the Katarns and sent them to the capitol city in to assassinate Krav, who was overseeing a weapons factory, avoiding civilian casualties. The best way, Alex figured, to get the people out of the factory without having to shoot anyone was to give them all money. Unfortunately, they tackled him when they realized just how much he had on him, taking him back to the Blazing Suns apartment complex. Part of the building collapsed while he was there, and he found himself trapped with a young boy of eleven years who, on top of everything else, turned out to be Valin Krav’s son.

The rest of the Katarns also had trouble when a group of beings of all different races showed up and took them from the factory. These unknowns blew up the factory the Katarns were supposed to protect. They called themselves the Hammer of Justice, and claimed to be against all forms of organized government. These anarchists had the same purpose as the Katarns, the elimination of Krav, and so they released the Katarns. This is not to say, however, that they are allies; the Hammer of Justice are considered terrorists, and should be eliminated at any cost.

The young boy’s father died in the blast, and his mother had died in an accident years ago. However, he realized the evil of his ways and his father’s ways and converted to the Rebel Alliance. Alextravia adopted him and had aimed to take him home, but extended family was found for him instead.

The Aurora Force

After a long time of service with the Katarns, Alex grew tired of small group tactics. He wanted something more, something bigger. And so he joined the Aurora Force which was... well, bigger. He felt confident that the group would always be much larger, and not fall to such low numbers as he was used to. If the Aurora Force ever had a mere thirteen members, it would probably be because someone allowed Alex to cook (SEE: skills and weaknesses). He found the transition difficult, at the onset, because he had never been what one considers sociable. He was more what one considers stupid and a pain to be around. The first mission he participated in was a brief sortie on the planet Ketaris, which was, at least at the beginning, a failure on most every level imaginable. He spent most of the time either keeping watch at night during the rain, or tending to diseased and infected injuries, or beating off hungry lizardy-things which had sunk their teeth deep into his holographic arm. He spent the rest of the time crawling through the dingy streets of the city trying not to get mugged, which proved incredulously difficult even though he was in possession of a rather big and nasty-looking blaster. It was upon the return to base that he really came out of his shell. He became the XO of Harbinger squadron and befriended Sen Richardson quite well. And, through that relationship, he developed something that could almost be considered some kind of friendship with Janet Skyy, Mark Wyler, and Sagoro Ketaro.

Almost.

His relationship with Ketaro started on extremely shaky grounds, because the young man seemed insistent upon making moves on Sen. Alex made his displeasure clear, insulting the man and refusing to hear his suggestions. They made an uneasy peace later which lasted for an entire two weeks before Ketaro got into a nasty barroom brawl with one Keiran Laconius and Alex had a field day with them. Ketaro was placed under restriction in the AF, and Grentarii carried a "license to kill" on the man should he step out of line again. Ketaro’s safety was often questioned considering the license did not specify between major and minor offenses.

The relation between he and Ketaro took its first step towards repair during the bachelor party of Colonel Robert DeLong. Alex was rather upset about the party not because he wasn’t invited, but because he was. He hates social gatherings, but worse than that he hates to sing. And the part involved a lot of singing. Singing while dressed as a stormtrooper, no less, which is known to be the worst kind. Discontent with this turn of events, Alex enlisted the help of Sagoro and Johnathan Morone, two other disgruntled partygoers, to make the event one to remember. They sabotaged a lot of systems and, best of all, rigged the door system into a maze. Some doors opened only one way, and some didn’t open at all. However, all progress was lost at the wedding the next day. Sage insisted on making more moves on Sen, including tearing up the dance floor at the DeLong wedding. Alex was enraged to the point of taking Ketaro aside and threatening to kill him. He never intended to make good on the threat, but circumstances placed him in a position where backing down would have undermined his own authority. He ended up having to be dragged off in order to save face. He attempted to pass his behavior off as insanity, but was unable to fool the base psychiatrist.

Upon his release from the mental ward, he devised a plan with which to end the situation with Sagoro and Sen once and for all. He told Sagoro that Sen wasn't interested in him, and that he made her vomit. He furthered the lie by saying that she had sworn him to secrecy, so he couldn't bring it up to her or he would hurt Alex's image. He said that he had acted so rudely towards Sagoro in order that he might lose interest and not have to find out such depressing news. After that, he told Sen that Sagoro had confided in him that he was somewhat of a nymphomaniac, but that she couldn't bring it up to him because then Sagoro might get disgusted and not seek the counseling he needed. In his mind, this solved the issue. In reality, it made it worse. Sen and Sagoro did eventually talk, and discovered the truth. They were angered at Alex, but not as much as Nicolai Ginovef, who took it upon himself to hunt Alex down and make him pay. He did this through a punch to the face. Alex quickly retaliated at a more public fight, which, surprisingly, he won. Or, rather, was winning until it was broken off, which is nearly the same thing. Upon the completion of the mission, anger came to a head and the four way verbal fight that was brewing finally happened. Alex stormed out and it was there that he ran into Trevvik Wyler, brother of Mark Wyler. Trevvik had taken Janet Skyy's place on Alex's team when Janet became very sick after overdosing on her prescription medications. Trevvik was an ex-pirate, and as such extremely loyal to the leader of his group. He adopted Alex as a close friend, often calling him, "Cap". Alex was initially disturbed, but the idea of finally having a loyal follower was one that he liked.

The PBF

Alex was involved with the Patriot Battle Fleet for the shortest of short times. The most interesting thing that ever happened to him there was when, in his first simulated mission, he lost his flight control, crashing into and destroying the ship which it was the objective to disable and capture. The second most interesting thing that happened to him there was when he was thrown out on his first day. Just to give perspective, a classmate who entered at the same time lasted three semesters until it was discovered that he was completely blind in both eyes.

Second Apparent Demise

After serving the AF and Zealot for a considerable period, the Katarns reunited and headed to Coruscant when it became obvious that Amanda Lance was attempting to attack the planet in her Star Destroyer. Joel Lance reappeared, as he had been tracking her. The Katarns boarded the destroyer and staged a rescue mission. It was revealed during the mission that Amanda was not completely given over to the Dark Side as was previously thought. She was a pawn in a game being played by a much higher power. The conflict in her mind, between her love for Alex and her sense of duty to the Jedi Order, was what was allowing her to be controlled so easily. It is not known by anyone except Alex, who took the reasoning to his grave, how he knew that he could save her in the way he did, which was to destroy himself. There were two other Dark Jedi on the bridge attacking the Katarns, and so Alex blew out the viewport with a detonation pack and was destroyed in the explosion. The only speculation anyone can offer is that, being such a hobbyist about Artificial Intelligence, he knew the only way to end a conflict loop was to remove one of the invalid expressions, but this is merely idle speculation, nothing more. Amanda was indeed saved, and the Katarns were disbanded shortly thereafter.

Re-Emergence

Perhaps there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel. Amanda Lance, when the Katarns disbanded, went her own way to learn more about her place in the universe. Shortly before the Vong Invasion, she felt compelled to come to the Aurora Force's current base of operations and seek out those who had known her fiancee. The Force appears to have been moving in mysterious ways to bring important people back to a place of effectiveness. A junker far out in the galaxy discovered some interesting scrap. The first piece was a red lightsaber, as a Dark Jedi might use. The second was a badly burned clump of metal which had fused to it. Karinlynn Bridger was given the object and restored it to functioning, and discovered Alex lost inside it. He was reunited with Amanda shortly before the Wyler family lost their only daughter. In their depression, the Wylers (particularly the brothers Mark and Trevvik) became extremely argumentative. And though ironically they had patched up their differences mere hours before, Alex grew tired of their inability to be civil to one another in a time of crisis and washed his hands of the family. He and Amanda were last seen leaving the AF base for some quiet corner of the galaxy, after saying some extremely terrible things to Trevvik. The future remains unclear, but the very real possibility exists that the friendship has ended, and, tragically, these two characters shall never see one another again.

Prized Posessions

Alex has never really valued material things, mostly because he has an annoying tendency to outlast them by several millennia. Nevertheless, there are a few items which are close to his heart. The first is a video game system, which stimulates the brain by use of a special helmet and creates a sensation of artificial reality that is imperceptible from the real thing. Alex got it from a trading colony on a small, nameless asteroid. Most of the games that came with it were rather stupid; one involved carrying fully loaded, heavy crates from one end of a room to the other. This may not seem like entertainment to most, but to the species that programmed it, who have no arms, such an extraordinary feat is a great source of entertainment. They can play for hours. These mediocre titles, such as The Crate Race, Political Adventures, and, of course, Meatloaf Extravaganza are not the reason he values the system so much. The reason he values it so much are the two custom games which he purchased with his share of his inheritance from his aunt, Gertrude Grentarii. The first is a stunning re-creation of both Rigel VII and the planet the Rigelians inhabited before that. The second is one where the player is immortal and can mentally conjure any weapon or method of torture in the world. He uses it exact sweet revenge upon his adoptive family most days before going to sleep.

His other prized possession is a Bryar pistol which he recently acquired. Someone on a hoverbus sold it to him, saying it was a Katarn original, so he had a good feeling about it.

Skills and Weaknesses

Despite all the terrible things that can be said about him, Alex does have some skills. The only reason this is known is that it is impossible for any living thing to have no skill whatsoever. Most, however, are related to combat effectiveness, ability to recite rules, or AI programming. 2 out of 3 useful skills ain’t bad. He’s also got some intermediate medical training and isn’t a bad singer, but these don’t do you much good unless you’re less than the 1% of 1% of citizens in the galaxy who think that Classical Opera is the best medicine.

Alex makes up for this list with a rather extensive list of failings. Most prominent among all of them is his inability to effectively lead a small group of people into combat without something insane, zany, or wild occurring. Examples of this include, but are not limited to:

• Stampedes of hungry zoo animals
• The changing of history
• Commandos falling into large pools of stagnant water
• Encounters with Dark Jedi
• Alien incursions
• Electrical shock
• Power outages
• The odd suffocation

And other such things.

And so goes the sad story of Alextravia Grentarii. While he was not ever "normal" by a biological being's standards, in the end he understood that leadership is not just rules and regulations. His ultimate fate, however, has not yet been decided.

Behind the Scenes

Useful Information

I've been working with this character now for over a decade. Wow! I realize that the story has grown more and more far-fetched as time goes by. I've offered to change the story many, many times, as I know it's unrealistic. I mean, a dead man returned to life as an artifically intelligent version of himself? Seriously now. But people keep on telling me not to change a thing, that they like things just the way they are, and that if I ever do modify things I do so at the risk of my own life. So, I am keeping things as they are until someone flat out tells me that no, this isn't going to work. So far, nobody has, and I kinda hope they never do.

The Alextravia/Red Dwarf Connection

'Or... Haven't I heard this all before?'

So, looking at my bio and my writing, some of you may realize one of more of the following things.

1. That character sounds a heck of a lot like Arnold Judas Rimmer from the BBC sitcom Red Dwarf
2. Another couple characters I’ve written sound a heck of a lot like other characters from the BBC sitcom Red Dwarf
3. A story of mine that you just read sounds a heck of a lot like an episode of the BBC sitcom Red Dwarf

If you observed any of these things, let me assure you that you aren’t going crazy, and indeed that you are correct. Actually I can’t guarantee that you aren’t going crazy, but you are still correct. No, I’m not a blatant plagiarist. Well, actually, I am, but it was an accident. Alright, let me explain this in a way that might make sense. This is the story behind the story of one Alextravia Grentarii.

It all started about ten years ago, when I was 11. I lived in a huge apartment complex in Denver, CO. My parents had a lot of friends in the complex, and as such I befriended a lot of kids that were older than I was. One of them was a fellow science fiction fan as well as liking to write. I had written some short stories in school and thought it was fun. One day, in conversation, we discovered our mutual love for writing, and decided we should write something together. We got a 500 page notebook, and a pen, and set to work. I came up with some stuff, but he supplied a lot of the ideas. We came up with this character who was a holographic representation of himself when he was alive. Since most characters were James Bond-esque, fearless bravados, we did something totally different in the form of a deadly coward who was cynical and hateful of everyone. We wrote about him on a ship with a demented computer, and some general idiots for company, and all the crap that happened to them. And in my eleven year old brain, it was good stuff.

Like many young children do at one point or another, my family and I moved out of the state. I kept the notebook with all our writings in it, and packed it away with some other mementos. Fast forward three years, and it was time to join the Rebel Squadrons. Since the Katarns were a writing group, I needed a character. I’d found our old notebook, and thought, “Gee, it’d be great if people could read some of this stuff. It was really good.” I made a decision, and contacted my old friend to see if he would mind my using the character we’d written together and some of the stories. He said he wouldn’t recommend that I do it, but I was welcome to if I wanted. That was the only warning I got before I voluntarily threw myself down into the abyss.

I wrote up a biography for Alextravia Grentarii, but kept him alive thinking that I could write something later on his death. I created a new back-story for him about Rigel VII, since that had all been omitted in our writing. Only a few references to his family ever showed up in our story, and certainly never a full biography, so I made one up. Then I began serving with the Katarns. When I was given command of the group, I used a lot of the stories we’d done together for the Katarns, and everyone said how much fun it was. “I knew this was good stuff!” I thought.

Fast forward another year and I decide to join the Aurora Force. I send in an application and don’t hear back for a long time. Finally I’m in. A half a year after that I’m talking with people and complaining about the application process, and how it took so long when I tried to get in. “Well,” one gal tells me, “we debated a long time over your character, which is part of what took so long.”

“Really?” I say. “I wonder what dust I stirred up.” So I go to the AF Command Staff mailing list archives, and find where I applied. I’m reading through the e-mails, and chuckling at the reactions. The one I’m not expecting to see is the one that says:

“I recognize this. He’s taking stuff almost canon from the TV show Red Dwarf.”

Um, what? No, I wrote this with someone else. He must be mistaken. So I contacted him, and I found out a lot about Red Dwarf. I found out about a man named Arnold Rimmer, played by one Chris Barrie. I found out about a talking toaster that bothers people to eat a lot of toast even if they don’t want it that sounded a lot like the one I placed in the Katarns mess hall. I learned about the Total Immersion Video Game Better than Life which the Katarns played once when there was nothing to do. I found out the story about Rimmer’s father that sounded a lot like Alex’s father. Both were dead. And, coincidentally, both of them died peacefully in their Jeep. Uh... sleep.

It turns out that the Katarns and the Red Dwarf crew had a lot of the same stuff happen to them, too. They’ve both been back and forth in time, both encountered white holes, and both lost their main setting for a time. Hmmmmmmmmmm. I bought the first four seasons on DVD, just to triple check my worst fears. And there they were. Almost everything that happened in the first 2 seasons happened in the Katarns. I could recite the next line before it came on because I knew what it would be.

For those that I lost with all that, here is the brief version.

1. I wrote a story with a friend
2. I used that story in the RS
3. It turned out that he stole nearly every word of it and, when I asked him if I could use the character, told me only that he didn’t recommend it, omitting the detail that he stole people, technology, and plots from the show to impress me with his 'writing prowess'.

So, basically, that’s it. My character is stolen property. Upon finding out, I offered to kill him off him and get another, but people keep telling me they like to hear about him. Also, I’ve made so many changes now that he stands on his own... he’s like a new house on a used lot. I try now not to use obvious Red Dwarf terms any longer. For example, Alex has a projector, not a lightbee. The “H” on his forehead has gone away and I doubt anyone will miss it.

There was, of course, good to come of this. First off, I became a Red Dwarf fan, which is just about the best show ever. If you haven’t seen it, see it or, alternately, read some of the stuff I’ve written. Secondly, I’ve got some skill using other peoples’ characters in case I ever want to do a Star Wars or Star Trek novel. Finally, and this is the best bit, I’ve given people a character they can hate for no reason. They’ll like that.

That’s all there is to this tale of strange happenings. I realized I should make a public statement so that there is no question that I am not hiding what’s happened.

RS Positions

• CO of the Katarn Commandos
• XO of Harbinger Squadron, Aurora Force
• CO of Harbinger Squadron, Aurora Force